I felt something coming up my throat. It brought a very unpleasant feeling. I tried to resist the urge to spew but it came all the way up to my mouth.
I ran, to the bathroom adjacent to my room before it reached my clenched teeth, put my face in the basin and threw it all up and felt better. My mum was at the door waiting.
I walked past her as fast as my legs could so she won’t have the chance to ask questions but it didn’t work. She followed me to my door and asked why I had been hiding in my room lately.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yes, Mum. Please give me some few minutes. I will join you.,” I said abruptly without looking into her eyes and hastened to my room.
I closed my door once my whole frame managed to get in and the sleeve of my top got stuck in the door. I yanked it out and got a torn sleeve, walked to my bed and lay on my back.
I felt the bump in my lower abdomen, It’s a small bump like a quarter of my fist. I looked up the roof and searched as though the solution to my problem had been embedded therein and then went into a serious battle with my conscience.
“Tell your mother, you can’t do this alone,” said the tiny gentle voice. “She’ll always be the one who would slap you with her right hand and cuddle you with her left. She won’t kill you if you do, And she’ll also be the one who will know how to talk to your dad about it.”
I turned to lie on my right side.
“But you know your mother quite well,” said the stronger commanding voice, “She won’t give you a pat on the back for opening your legs for someone you’re not married to. She’ll disown you, for getting pregnant in the process- at seventeen and your dad will shoot you in the head and go to jail.” The voice became stronger. “Think about your dad, who has laid down plans for your future. You are his only child. It matters a lot to him that you get a good education and a very good career and he’s ready to spend even out of his retirement to make sure it happened and now you spoilt it all. He doesn’t deserve to hear this, you’ll only break his heart and sicken him with the worst news ever.”
The gentle voice became tinier. “It’s very hard. It’s very hard to hide anything from family. Not this kind! Every secret might be hidden for a while but soon enough in a day you do not expect, it will somehow leak out from the secret box and everyone will be like, “What? Can’t believe you did that. And to even think that you hid it from your family! Your own family! But if you tell it now, they’ll be like, “why did you do this?” and once you cry for pardon, everyone let’s go. It’s a family. The family never forsakes you. Go now! Go tell your mum!”
Then came the big coarse voice. “Runaway! Run!”
I got up from my bed and walked downstairs. It came again, right before my mum, I couldn’t hold it back, threw up again in the hallway.
She moved closer and gave me such blade sharp look and nearly cut me to pieces.
“What is happening to you Chetachi? Are you pregnant?” she asked after putting my bottom carefully on the sofa.
“No mama!” I gave her a look that said, “how on earth do you think such. Hell no!” I shook my head vigorously and cleaned my lips with the back of my two hands to cover up my lies but I noticed she was not deceived. But you know, she didn’t want to push it further right away because she was sure to seek professional help.
“We need to see the doctor. Get dressed let’s get going. Right away. I can’t wait. I’ve been watching you for a week now. You’ve changed.” She said.
I went back to my room. I thought of what to do. I didn’t think of going to the doctor with her was a good idea. There was where the secret would be laid bare.
I had already found out what’s wrong with me and going there would reveal it to her. I quickly dressed up and packed a few of my things into a soft bag, sneaked down the stairs and sneaked out through the back yard.
I didn’t know where I was going nor what I would do when I get there, I only needed to move away and keep my secret from them.
I couldn’t face my parents with such news. I would likely send them a mail once I was far out of sight. I kept walking without stopping, praying that no one I knew surfaced. It was a three minutes walk to the bus station that seemed very long.
I thought about my friends, which one of them would be able to take me in. They all were still staying with their parents and it’s not wise going to stay with them – my agemates.
Money was not my problem, I had enough with me in addition to the one in my account, which could be enough to take me for months. I was sure my dad would not fail to send money to my account.
I thought about renting an apartment but wondered how living in it alone would feel like. It had to be somewhere far away from my town and hidden away. I had to adjust to the rough life that destiny had thrown my way.